The relationship with myself that exists because I want to avoid my feelings is not a relationship I want to keep showing up for.
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This is my goddamned blog and my shit emotional process. If I sensor myself in these environments, I'm in deep trouble. If I'm not allowed as many fucking F-bombs as I need, you can bet your sweet ass that I'm holding back other shit as well.
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No assault details are in this post. Some mention of types of abuse.
He couldn’t set me free. I had to do that. I had to set us both free. After several tries, I had to cut cords and say "no", no. matter. what. He still cant set me free and I still have to keep that door closed. And you know what, the fucking truth is that I've considered reopening that door a time or two. (“NOOOOOOOOOO!!!” you all scream) Ya..well…I'm being fucking honest.
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I'm in the thickest of fogs, not quite sure when I entered and at this exact moment, collecting myself after losing my shit, totally lost in the middle of it. And yet..I'm still in the middle of it. I think the hard part may be that I have no idea where I am in relation to..ANYTHING! I'm just…sort of…here.
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